A wise friend once told me this story:

"I met a man without a dollar to his name
Who had no traits of any value but his smile
I met a man who had no yearn or claim to fame
Who was content to let life pass him for a while
And I was sure that all I ever wanted
Was a life like the movie stars led
And he kissed me right here
And said:

"I'll give you stars and the moon and a soul to guide you
And a promise I'll never go
I'll give you hope to bring out all the life inside you
And the strength that will help you grow.
I'll give you truth and a future that's twenty times better
Than any Hollywood plot."
And I thought, "You know,
I'd rather have a yacht."

I met a man who lived his life out on the road
Who left a wife and kids in Portland on a whim
I met a man whose fire and passion always showed
Who asked if I could spare a week to ride with him
But I was sure that all I ever wanted
Was a life that was scripted and planned
And he said,
"But you don't understand -

"I'll give you stars and the moon and the open highway
And a river beneath your feet
I'll give you days full of dreams if you travel my way
And a summer you can't repeat.
I'll give you nights full of passion and days of adventure,
No strings, just warm summer rain."
And I thought, "You know,
I'd rather have champagne."

I met a man who had a fortune in the bank
Who had retired at age thirty, set for life.
I met a man and didn't know which stars to thank,
And then he asked one day if I would be his wife.
And I looked up, and all that I could think of
Was the life I had dreamt I would live
And I said to him:
"What will you give?"

"I'll give you cars and a townhouse in Turtle Bay
And a fur and a diamond ring
And we'll get married in Spain on my yacht today
And we'll honeymoon in Beijing.
And you'll meet stars at the parties I throw at my villas
In Nice and Paris in June."

And I thought, "Okay."
And I took a breath
And I got my yacht
And the years went by
And it never changed
And it never grew
And I never dreamed
And I woke one day
And I looked around
And I thought, 'My God...

I'll never have the moon.'"

My fiance is the first man in the story. and somehow together, we'll get the moon.

Something for Cat

I tend to describe people by their connections. Not just with others, but how they themselves are connected to me. It makes for an odd conversation - Oh, that's Fred. He used to work with me but he grew up with Jimmy who is a really good friend of mine, even though I haven't really talked to him for almost a year.

This intro is not getting me where I want to go. Retry.

My senior year of high school I tried (fairly successfully) to convince myself that my anger at the world was not caused by what I was doing but what other people were. And since I'd be leaving for school two states away and would never ever be back, I found it useless to meet new people and make new friends. I took the thought that I really didn't need anymore friends and ran with it.

I ran pretty far.

I ran so far, that even now, my new friend-making skills are a little different. I don't network anymore, I don't try to get to know as many people as I can as deeply as I can in as little time possible. Within the last year and a half, If I've made a friend, they are far more likely to be near and dear to my heart, and stay that way. Probably because every single one of them have been able to help me out of the roughest rough patches of my life so far.

And oddly enough, they become near and dear to my heart very quickly. Point in case, there's the girl that lived the floor above me, and within a few months of actually meeting, I was talking to her about the depression I hardly mentioned to my own sister. Or the man this same friend introduced me to, two weeks after we met we were dating. Six months later, we still are. But this isn't about him.

It's about the girl I met at work two months ago. I thought she was mexican (she's not), and I couldn't remember her name (yesterday my boy proved he still can't). I'm not sure how we bonded. Maybe it was our shared confusion at the new job, maybe it was her telling me that she was to leave for her mission soon, the same day my sister returns from her own. That the mission was in the same state. That the bosses didn't know yet and I shouldn't say anything to anyone. That she'd give me a ride whenever I needed. That Dr. Who's blue phone booth were on her shoes. That we had not one but two pairs of matching shoes. That we didn't have to actually talk and it was still fine. Maybe really we saw each other in each other. But she's a better driver.

My sister returns home in three days. Which means Cat is leaving in three days. I don't know why we met when we did, or why it had to be so short. I suppose it's a blessing, because had it been longer, she'd be the third bestie in a year and a half to leave me for the same reason. So maybe this is a mercy. Either way, right now, I'm Feeling Good.

Amish ewe, Cait. amish ewe.

Thanks to Give Late

Thanksgiving on Black Friday

Thanksgiving this year wasn't used for thanksgiving. It took me until the day after to see just what I am most grateful for.

The day after is Black Friday, the day when crazy people camp out in front of stores just to get that one item for a ridiculously good price. Stampedes, claws, thievery, all rampant.

I wasn't one of the many shoppers, I was one of the poor saps behind the counter dealing with these people all day.

I had gotten four hours of sleep the night before, I woke up at 5.30 AM to get to work by 7, and worked 8 and a half hours. All I did was stand, push numbers, and talk to irate people, sometimes unintentionally feeding their anger.

I got home, went straight to my shower and intended to go straight to bed.

All i wanted was someone to hold my exhausted body in their arms and to give me a foot massage before I even asked.

I do know someone that would do that for me. Unfortunately he couldn't, because I'll not see him again for 2 more years.

I realized while sitting in the shower what I'm really grateful for.

I'm grateful that I know what it's like to have someone that would.

Two years. Two years for what? For serving his Lord and Maker, his personal Savior. Two years in constant dedication to the Lord, my God, Jesus Christ.

I miss him terribly and could ask him to come back any time. I won't, because I know how important his mission is. Even if I did ask, he wouldn't come, because he knows how important it is too.

As grateful I am for Scott and our wonderful, wonderful relationship, that gratitude shrivels next to the gratitude I have to my Lord and Maker, my personal Savior, my Lord, my God, Jesus Christ.

I can't express that here. I never will be able to, even if that's all I were to talk about every minute of my life.